The Truth About Lucy Abbot part one

I think he's handsome. I bet he's gorgeous, but I don't think I'll ever really know for sure what he looks like.
He doesn't know what I look like either. I don't think he'd like me if he did. I told him I'm blonde and curvy. He said looks ain't important. I hope he was telling the truth there, cause I lied. I got plain brown hair and a flat chest
I lie to much.
I told him I'm an only child. He said he's got an older sister with cancer. I got three little brothers named Joey, Tony and Jay. I guess their good kids but everyone knows  pretty girls are only kids.
I suppose pretty girls ain't supposed to lie either.
My name's Lucy. I told him its Katie. He said Katie's his sisters name. His name's Danny.
I told him I live in California, near Los Angeles.
I don't. I live in a little place called Calvin. We have a little house on a great big lot that used to be a farm in the 19th century, but now it's all overgrown and brown. There's this little shady spot all covered in brush and things. In the summer, I sit there all day and think or read. The lot's so big that I don't think anyone else even knows where I go, but my folks don't worry.
A lot of the time I sneak out at night and watch the stars in the backyard.


Danny's my Internet pen pal. He's real smart, even though he don't go to school.  The government thinks his daddy teaches him, but he says his dad's a real drunk. Danny teaches himself, and he makes sure his dad's alright. He passes all the tests they throw at him.
I really like Danny.
I wish I cold untangle all the lies I've told him without him knowing I lied to him for two years.


I talk to Danny on my computer that I got for my birthday last year. It was a real great gift, cause now I don't have to share a computer with my brothers.
We met on one of those chat rooms, and hit it off fast.
I like to think that one day, Danny and I can properly meet and maybe he could be my real life boyfriend instead of my online one. But that would involve admitting to him that I lied.
I'm scared to do that.


What if Danny doesn't like the real me? But in all honesty I'm more afraid that he'll be disgusted with me.


He said once that every time you lie, a little piece of your soul chips away. The only way to fix it, he says, is to admit to your lies.
Then God forgives you. But a lot of people don't.


I'm a Christian I guess. I believe in God, and I go to church, but I'm not good at following God's rules.
I also think that God stopped fixing people's problems, because theres obviously a lot of them on the world.


Some people might say that's our punishment for sinning so much and for all the people who ain't Christian, but doesn't Jesus love everybody?
At least, that's what I was told.


But I was talking about Danny.
He wants to have a video chat with me. I lied and said I don't have a webcam.  He said he'd get me one for Christmas if I told him my address. I said it was ok, I could buy one.
I keep "forgetting".


He really does make me feel beautiful. But then he'll say something about how honest I am, and I feel awful.
I wonder what he thinks about "Katy". Doubt I'll ever know that either.


I think I'm probably going to hell.