The Truth About Lucy Abbot part one

I think he's handsome. I bet he's gorgeous, but I don't think I'll ever really know for sure what he looks like.
He doesn't know what I look like either. I don't think he'd like me if he did. I told him I'm blonde and curvy. He said looks ain't important. I hope he was telling the truth there, cause I lied. I got plain brown hair and a flat chest
I lie to much.
I told him I'm an only child. He said he's got an older sister with cancer. I got three little brothers named Joey, Tony and Jay. I guess their good kids but everyone knows  pretty girls are only kids.
I suppose pretty girls ain't supposed to lie either.
My name's Lucy. I told him its Katie. He said Katie's his sisters name. His name's Danny.
I told him I live in California, near Los Angeles.
I don't. I live in a little place called Calvin. We have a little house on a great big lot that used to be a farm in the 19th century, but now it's all overgrown and brown. There's this little shady spot all covered in brush and things. In the summer, I sit there all day and think or read. The lot's so big that I don't think anyone else even knows where I go, but my folks don't worry.
A lot of the time I sneak out at night and watch the stars in the backyard.


Danny's my Internet pen pal. He's real smart, even though he don't go to school.  The government thinks his daddy teaches him, but he says his dad's a real drunk. Danny teaches himself, and he makes sure his dad's alright. He passes all the tests they throw at him.
I really like Danny.
I wish I cold untangle all the lies I've told him without him knowing I lied to him for two years.


I talk to Danny on my computer that I got for my birthday last year. It was a real great gift, cause now I don't have to share a computer with my brothers.
We met on one of those chat rooms, and hit it off fast.
I like to think that one day, Danny and I can properly meet and maybe he could be my real life boyfriend instead of my online one. But that would involve admitting to him that I lied.
I'm scared to do that.


What if Danny doesn't like the real me? But in all honesty I'm more afraid that he'll be disgusted with me.


He said once that every time you lie, a little piece of your soul chips away. The only way to fix it, he says, is to admit to your lies.
Then God forgives you. But a lot of people don't.


I'm a Christian I guess. I believe in God, and I go to church, but I'm not good at following God's rules.
I also think that God stopped fixing people's problems, because theres obviously a lot of them on the world.


Some people might say that's our punishment for sinning so much and for all the people who ain't Christian, but doesn't Jesus love everybody?
At least, that's what I was told.


But I was talking about Danny.
He wants to have a video chat with me. I lied and said I don't have a webcam.  He said he'd get me one for Christmas if I told him my address. I said it was ok, I could buy one.
I keep "forgetting".


He really does make me feel beautiful. But then he'll say something about how honest I am, and I feel awful.
I wonder what he thinks about "Katy". Doubt I'll ever know that either.


I think I'm probably going to hell.

afraid of the dark

years and years i've been in this place

with big shapes and contraptions to haunt me

not even a shard of glass to look at my face
nothing to heal the scars that are upon me

the sun rises and sets and i stand by the window

occasionally a bird whistles at me

i see the children play and i want to be with them

but i can't because of these hands that belong to me

i cannot eat and i cannot drink

and i have no one to talk to

therefore i observe and i think

even at the times when i don't want to

i'm barely human, i'm unfinished

my father didn't wake up

i'm not augmented and therefore diminished

but i do not cry or wail like a pup

with no blanket to shield and no light to see 

i wonder what's going to become of me

with my torn up bed and wall of pictures

they're my only company

one day i wonder what would happen

if i went to sleep and didn't wake up

like my father who was old and gray 

but i cannot live like this, it is enough 

if you're reading this, please come and save me

i'm afraid of the dark, i don't know what to do

don't ever leave, don't ever forsake me

i want to hope that i am worthy of you.

for edward scissorhands || originally posted here.
happy new year, everyone :)
-jocee <3

Dreamer (A Poem By Lady Elisabeth)

You nervously touch one high-heeled toe to the pavement

Your family waved at you as you stepped in the taxi

Taking you away to the big city

You're on your own now

You step from the cab

Pull your trenchcoat tighter

To lock out the cold

Its unnecessary

Your excitement is keeping you plenty warm

Even through the New York winter

You traipse through the streets

Wandering

Wondering

Waiting

You think of a song

If you can make it here...

But that's all you can remember

You keep walking

It looks aimless

But

You know where you're going

Even if you don't know the way

The sun is setting

You run

Finally

You could see it glowing in your mind's eye

Times Square

Sparkling lights every inch as glorious as you imagined

You stand in the middle of the street

Cars honk at you

Wondering who you are

You twirl

Your vintage lace skirt flares out

You are an angel

You'll be a star